so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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