how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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