He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
