Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
