I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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