i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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