you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
