Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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