We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
