...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
