The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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