you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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