the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
