I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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