why didn't you poke me back
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
