I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
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She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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