Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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