yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
the condom got lost in my hair
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
