WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
