I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
