I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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