Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
