I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
