So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
