I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
