i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
