my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
