I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
