and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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