I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Green mimosas i think yes
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
