How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
