There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
