Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
