She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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