Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
