shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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