The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
How naked do you want me to be?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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