One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
