The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
