Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
