it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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