Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
