mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
