he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
