It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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