we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
