Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she peed on how many people?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
