ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
