Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
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