I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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