im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
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