you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
