i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
