Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
