my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
