Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
