I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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