Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
someone owes me an orgasm
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Randomize
