The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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