Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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