i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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