erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
what day is it and did you see me today?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
